What if I am actually afraid of labour?

“I don’t want to use any epidural. Just the laughing gas and if need be, some anaesthetic at the thigh.” I wrote something this down in my birth plan which I went through with Dr Ben a few weeks ago.

“You sure?” He asked. 

Yesterday when Dr Ben tested for the presence of amiontic fluid below, he had to insert a testing stick and it felt pain and uncomfortable. I was already screaming slightly when that happened. 

“Are you sure no epidural for you? Just laughing gas? I think you’d be crying, not laughing through labour.” He said. 

“The midwives will come in to check you every 3-4 hours and stretch you below and the pain will be worse than this.” He added. 

Before I left, he left me these parting words, “Consider epidural.” He laughed. 

Sigh. I feel so caught in the middle. I don’t want epidural because I am so afraid of injections and needles and they make me feel uncomfortable and squirmy. But the continuous pain and discomfort from the labour might actually be prolonged. 

I am in such a dilemma. What if I have just been feeling overly confident about the labour? Now all of a sudden when reality sinks in, I am actually nervous and scared about labour. 

Baby Jayden, you got to help ease mummy’s pain and discomfort during labour. Let’s push hard together when the time comes and let’s make this labour a fast and furious one! We can do this together! 

Week 38 – False Alarm

Dear Baby Jayden, 

Mummy and Daddy got a scare of our lives this morning. Okay, it was more of me getting the anxiety and sharing it with daddy because I feel that he needs to share the responsibility as well. HAHA. 

It was a normal rainy night and we decided to have Mookata for dinner because I had the craving. Everything was fine but when I stood up after dinner, there was a small gush of discharge coming out from below. I ignored it and told you to hang in there for awhile more because Daddy and Mummy did not want you to come out in 2015. 

At 11pm, prior to bed, the water gush came again. I dismissed it again. Then when I stood up to go to the toilet at 4am, it happened again. I was scared. What if my water bag was leaking? 

I took my phone to google on water bag leaking and it scared me even more. What if the amiontic fluid had leaked out and you weren’t okay anymore?

I tapped my tummy. I tried to wake you up. I called out to you to kick me. No response. It worried me. 

I then tapped the person who was sleeping beside me. No response. Daddy was sleeping like a log. In retrospect, maybe you were also sleeping like a log and my taps couldn’t wake you up. It was afterall 4am in the morning. I shook Daddy a little bit harder and he woke up after 4-5 tries. 

“Message Dr Ben.” He said. I did and waited till 6:30am for his reply. 

I did not want to disturb Dr Ben by calling and I did not think that it was urgent enough to rush to the hospital but I realised how clueless I was as to the next step of action should my water bag leak. I thought that the normal mummy instinct will kick in. Who knew that my normal Liyi’s instinct kicked in instead and I was anxious and nervous. 

Dr Ben’s reply was reassuring. We had a choice to visit his clinic or rush to the hospital. Guess it really wasn’t that urgent. 

We decided to run through our items in the maternity bag, shower, have breakfast and it was 9am. So visiting Dr Ben’s clinic seemed like the right choice and we dropped by. Thankfully we did because it was indeed a false alarm! 

This whole fiasco made me realise how unprepared we actually are. We haven’t sterilised our breastpump, not charged it yet. Haven’t put on the cot sheets, not cleaned up our rooms thoroughly yet…. This New Year weekend shall enable us to get ready for arrival. 

Nevertheless Baby Jayden, you really scared us. We would have welcomed you with open arms had you decide to arrive today. But we secretly still hope that you’d decide to come out in Jan 2016, hopefully a new year baby! =p 

I love you Baby Jayden. Keep safe and sound in there k? We’d see you real soon!

It’s a waiting game – Week 38

The countdown I call it or I could make it a little more fun by naming it the waiting game. 

It’s Week 38. I wonder how big Baby Jayden is right now. One thing I know is that Baby Jayden is pretty squashed up in there because he’s been pushing and kicking on my uterus walls more often. 

It has become more tiring. My pelvic hurts more and my whole body aches. I guess I have gotten used to the pain since Week 34. I am impressed by my tolerance level. 

Sleep at night has become more fidgety and I can’t seem to find the right position to sleep well. I have also gotten used to that but it still makes me dread going to bed at night, knowing that I’d not be able to fall asleep immediately. I’d toss and turn, fuss around before reluctantly falling asleep. 

The clock is ticking. Baby Jayden will be out anytime soon and I’d be ready for him when 2016 comes! Just a few more days – 4 more days in fact. Let’s bear with it together, Baby Jayden. 

A mother’s care

I noticed a small flake at the side. I wondered if it what it was. It got itchy and painful. It was making me really uncomfortable. 

Then I remembered that I had bought a tube of nipple balm from mothercare when I went to their outlet at Kallang Leisure Mall. 

I have never visited Mothercare before because I always thought that things wouldn’t be cheap over there. But I decided to go in because Sean had told me of the full length covered romper that his mum had bought for Anders from Mothercare. I wanted to get something similar for Baby Jayden over there. 

Well, then I got distracted when I saw other stuff and ended up getting the nipple cream because it was at a 50% discount.

I had read so many horror stories of cracking nipples from BF mums and thought that the nipple balm would only come into use when I start breastfeeding but since I felt uncomfortable, why not start on it? 

The nipple balm worked like a charm. The next day, the flake looked like it was peeling off and the day after, it ripened and dropped off. My troubles were gone. 

I later read in the January 2016 mummies FB group that it is advisable to start applying nipple balm when mummies turn Week 37 to moisturise the nipple and prevent cracking of nipples when the baby starts breastfeeding upon birth.

On top of the nipple balm, I also ended up getting a stretch cream at 20% off the original price. The original one which I bought upon the high recommendation of the sales lady did not seem to help much and ended up giving me so bad itch at my thighs and tummy which became better when I stopped using it. I wonder if it was because of the stretch that due to Baby Jayden growing that caused the itch or was it the because of the original stretch cream. 

Anyway, this mothercare stretch cream has been amazing. It is light, smells good and doesn’t cause itch. Hopefully it will work and get rid of all the stretch marks around my thighs and tummy.

  
Well, all in all, I highly recommend mothercare products! Mothercare – caring for mothers’ needs. 

Increasingly frustrated

“You need to walk more. Don’t keep sitting.” Some contractor uncle told me. 

“Shut up.” I mentally replied. 

I am becoming increasingly annoyed with people who impose their opinions and ideas on me. Yes, I am stubborn but in my opinion, nobody understands myself and my body better than I do. 

Through the years, I have learnt to become more self aware of my emotions and my physical condition. I know what is best for my interests and I have a good brain to make that decision myself. 

What do you know about the pelvic pain that I am having? What do you know about the increasing weight that exerts more pressure on my feet because P = F/A and my weight has increased without any increase in the area of my feet? What do you know about the increasing burden of carrying extra weight? 

None. 

Everybody’s body reacts differently to the changes in pregnancy. I have been blessed with a smooth pregnancy throughout and I am not angry at the fact that I am feeling more discomfort and pain right now because I know that it is part and parcel of pregnancy. What truly irritates me are the so called “well meaning comments” of the random people around. 

So really, shut up. You will never know me better than myself. 

Week 36 – Growth Spurt

Dear Baby Jayden,

It’s Week 36 and Daddy and I went to visit Dr Ben Choey today to find out more about you! Guess what? You have put on 600g and now weight 3.2kg! 

Everything fell in place. It was like a revelation that unrolled. It really explains why I have been feeling your every single movement in my tummy – you simply have no space to maneuver around and you end up kicking my uterus walls, causing either some tickles at the side of my tummy on good days, or a sudden jab on my ribcage on a bad day.

That also explains why I tend to go to the washroom more often because you are probably pressing so much on my bladder and rectum. 

Then I also found the culprit for the sudden stretch in the diameter of my tummy and the increase in stretch marks around my pelvic area and thighs. 

And yes, the root cause of my increasingly painful pelvic which bones seem to grind against each other whenever I wake up at night after sleeping sideways. I hear that crack and then I feel the intense pain that gets me yelling softly, for fear of waking the hubs up. 

It worried me a little knowing that you got so big because I really want to delivery you naturally and I read that it’d be more painful and difficult to do natural delivery should you be too big. 

I asked Dr Ben, “Is it still possible to do natural delivery?” 

“Of course it is. Even elephants give birth naturally and giraffes too. You don’t see anyone cutting them up to get the baby out.” He replied. 

Everyone in the room laughed. Dr Ben really has a sense of humour and he gets me cracking all the time with his sometimes relatively sarcastic comments said in a flat-toned manner or the witty replies he give. 

Anyway Baby Jayden, mummy finally managed to discuss our birth plan together with Dr Ben! I thought it went really well. I was expecting Dr Ben to gun me down and I even had all the reasons prepared on the same paper so that I can reason it out with him on my choice of doing something, but I didn’t have to do that. 

The only thing that I can’t seem to do would be the delayed clamping of the umbilical cord because we plan to do cord blood banking for you. =(( I guess I cannot get the best of both worlds. I thought that it was still possible but Dr Ben says that there might not be enough cord blood should we delay the clamping. 

It’s okay Baby Jayden! I am sure that you and I will do fine during the delivery and you will come out a healthy and safe baby and grow up to be a fit, smart and strong baby!

See you soon Baby Jayden! Do you think that we can make it for a new year baby? =D 

  

Bird’s Nest effects during pregnancy?

I remember the nutritionist from the first pre-natal lesson that I attended in Mount Alvernia said that Bird’s Nest has the same nutritional value as egg white. From then on, I became skeptical of bird’s nest and decided that it was pointless to waste money on purchasing such luxurious non-valuable items since I am not that rich. 

Over the weekend, the hubs and I, together with my MIL went to Hock Hua to purchase some herbs to cook soups during my confinement. Since Hock Hua was having an offer on their bird’s nest, we decided to get a box of it. 

The Baby Cot is here!

Hello Baby Jayden, 

Your almost last furniture is here – The Baby Cot! It was due for delivery in early December but then it did not happen because nobody activated it. Well, mummy got it all covered in my list of items to prepare and so after a phone call over the week, we got your cot delivered and installed, right where it belongs – beside me (on my side of the bed). 

  
I visualised and re-anacted the scene of me feeding you at night and putting you back into your cot before tucking you to bed. Then Daddy snapped me out of the moment. 

“We shouldn’t let do this too often to Baby Jayden. He will get used to it and he’d make you tuck him to bed every single night next time.” Bryan said. 

I was astonished, “If Baby Jayden comes out and refuses to acknowledge you or call you daddy, we all know why.” I replied.

Daddy went on to show me a video of a Baby boy making his mum tuck him to bed and when the mum stopped, he’d pull the mum’s palm back to continue the tucking action. He’s always so negative. 

I remember my parents still tucking me to bed when I was 8 years old and still staying up and falling asleep on my bed to teach me math when I was doing my O levels at 16 years of age. Then one day, I just grew out of it. I simply stopped craving for their attention as priorities in life changed. 

We only have that phase in life where the child will want to be close to you. Once you miss it, you might never get it back. So cherish the time that you have with your child when he/she wants it, even if it gets irritating at times. (Gentle reminder to myself)

I hope that I will always be close to you Baby Jayden, but I know that it’d be difficult when you get older because I have been there, done that. So for now, I am just going to appreciate the time that we have together, Baby Jayden, and hope for the best in our future ahead!

Preparation for Confinement – Cutting my hair

The Chinese believe that there is a need for mums to do confinement for 28 days (the first month) upon birth of the baby. It has been rumoured that if you don’t do a proper confinement, you will be strickened with ill health, pain in your bones, (and all the scary things that you can imagine) etc during old age. However if you do a good confinement, not only will your original health be reinstated, you might become even healthier than what you were before pregnancy.

I am determined to do a good confinement in order to prepare for the next pregnancy and to not have to be plagued with ill health when I grow old. 

How/what should I do to do a good confinement? 

1.Not wash your hair and shower for 1 month (YIKES!) to prevent “wind” from getting into your body which will cause aches and pain

I definitely will not be able to do that. The hot and humid weather of Singapore will make me sweat like mad. I’d stink and al the flies will harrass me. Baby Jayden will cry whenever he comes close to me because I smell like crap. 

So how can prevent the “wind” from getting into my body but still shower? 

First, get a short hair cut so that I can still wash my hair and quickly dry it when I am out of the toilet. 

  
 

  
In my next post, I will share my research on the confinement practices that Chinese believe in and how I will go about doing my confinement in 4 weeks time! 

Expanding Baby Bump

Hello Baby Jayden,

You are growing big and strong. These days my tummy has increased so much in size that it seems to be knocking every other thing away. I waddle more like a penguin and find it increasingly difficult to bend down to do things. But I don’t mind that at all. It means that you are growing bigger and fitter by the day. 

Sometimes I wonder if you’d feel pain when I hit something or when I sleep on my side and my tummy is on the side. You’d kick the side of my tummy that is lying flat on the bed, as if you were trying to get hold of your balance when I turn. I like that feeling. It makes me laugh and smile because it’s ticklish and it tells me that you are in there and kicking hard. 

Hang in there together with mummy okay? We have 4.5 more weeks before your delivery date and mummy wants you to stay in there as long as you can for your organs to develop properly and well. On top of that, there are still things that I have yet to prepare so wait for me! 

– Get your baby cot delivered this weekend

– Collect the infant car seat next week

– Purchase the confinement herbs and recipes needed

– Purchase things required for confinement

– Make the infant crawling track (the hubs)

– Make more flashcards

– Buy more flashcards and toys for you 

I’m nervous but I am taking baby steps to prepare myself for you to come, Baby Jayden! ❤