Playground horrors

Jayden wanted to play in the playground. Daddy was busy offering food to Jayrius and I was finishing up my dinner. I heard a loud cry that sounded so familiar. My eyes darted across the playground and scanned the entire area for Jayden. I spotted him and saw a group of boys around him. I walked over, trying to calm myself down. I was afraid because….. I couldn’t fathom it myself. Maternal instincts were kicking in and I was sure that I’d fight for my son.

“Just ignore him. He’s not right.” I heard one of the older boys say to his friend.

I swooped right in to join the crowd. Adrenalin rushed in and I was on defence mode. I was all ready to protect Jayden and I was sure that I had to, for myself or for Jayden. I thought that I was losing it, but surprisingly managed to focus on a crying Jayden.

“What’s wrong?” I asked Jayden gently. He was incoherent and sobbing really hard. The boy who was seemingly the most vocal one of the lot answered, “He climbed up the slide and that’s wrong.” I was furious. Kids don’t discern who are their foes or allies. I wasn’t there to listen to them tell me how they ganged up against MY son.

“What’s wrong with climbing up the slide?” I retorted. Nobody could answer. Seizing the opportunity to get back at the boys, I continued, “Who is to say what’s right and what’s wrong? Are there rules and regulations written around here? He was just trying to play at the playground by his own rules. Did you see him going up the slide?” The boy replied, “Yes I did.”

I added, “Could we then have taken turns and allowed him to climb up before you have a go at sliding down the slide?” The boy seemed convince, “Yeah, we could but……” He drifted off and moved away and the pack dispersed.

I carried Jayden up and hugged him. “Mummy, can you play with me?” Jayden asked. “Sure, I could.” I replied. “I want you to slide down with me.” He said. I did and left him on his own not long to go back to my prata after 5 minutes. He played very well on his own after that.

I sat down and focussed on my own emotions there and then. I’d realise that a huge part of why I felt anxious and furious when I heard Jayden crying and then seeing him being in the center of the older boys stemmed from the fact that I was the target of bullies throughout my primary up till my lower secondary years. Looking at Jayden being in that compromised situation, being the smallest and youngest amongst them all, really evoked a lot of negative emotions of my past and my inability to cope with my situation back then; It was like watching half of my life replay in fast forward mode. I made a mental note to guide my boys to use words to stand up for themselves. I told myself that I would be there for him and empower him to have the confidence to get out of such situations on his own next time.

Not conforming to social norms really sticks out like a sore thumb and being different subjects one to bring the target of bullies. People take pride in bringing others down because they gain confidence from that. I will need to guide the boys on how to gain confidence innately and to protect themselves, because confidence builds resilience and resilience is grit and success in life.

I also realised that I was key in providing that confidence to Jayden. He saw me as God and his protector and when he needed help, he was watching how I would deal with those people. Would I just tell him to let it go? Or stand up for him? I hope that through what he saw, he would be able gain the confidence to stand up for himself when he’s ready.